Susy Ponders… Is what you want to give what they need?
“Look, I’m wearing my sisters belt” the little boy smiled and pointed to the piece of pink string round his trousers, knotted at the front to hold his trousers up. He continued excitedly to tell me about his cool trainers with Velcro bits instead of laces. My heart melted as I looked and saw a toe poke out the front of his trainers.
This is just one of the kids I came across through my work with a Glasgow community project. I could have looked at a photo of this child and thought, wow we NEED to get that little guy some shoes and a belt. I’m sure if I’d tried to give him shoes, he would say “But I’ve got these cool trainers!” What he really WANTED was someone to talk to about his cool trainers.
My eyes have really been opened to how different wants and needs are from person to person. I’ve realised that I often offer people what I think I would need if I were in their situation.
On several occasions I have ran to my bosses office, overwhelmed by the troublesome life of a new client. I would blurt out all the issues I felt burdened to help resolve and end with ‘I don’t know where to start with this!!’ My wise boss would then ask me the question ‘What help have they asked for?’ It helped me realise that what I think people need isn’t necessarily what they want.
Over the years I’ve found myself writing thank you cards for gifts that will sit in a cupboard gathering dust!! I remember one particular thank you card I wrote. It was for a woman I didn’t actually know who had spent hours (probably days) on end knitting blankets and clothes for my baby. We ended up with enough blankets and knitted cardigans for a family of ten (Prophesy maybe??). I have to be honest, I find a lot of knitwear a wee bit old fashioned and regret to say that most of the items stayed in the cupboard. For the record though, can I just say that my mother-in-laws knitting is particularly cute and trendy J
I remember thinking to myself, what would possess someone to spend days knitting gifts for a stranger when they don’t even know if the person needs what they are giving them??’ Its not that I’m ungrateful – it really was a lovely thought. Its just another thing that’s got me thinking… how many times have I given gifts or tried to help someone without considering whether its something that’s needed or wanted. The truth is, it feels good to give to others and to do things for others. I would even go so far as to say that we were born for the benefit of others – not ourselves. But am I really giving a gift when the receiver of my gift has to lie and pretend they like it, store it in an already packed cupboard, remember to bring it out when I visit, then wonder when its safe to get rid of it! I don’t want to be that person! So now I ask myself the question, “Is what I want to give, really what they want?”
“Look, I’m wearing my sisters belt” the little boy smiled and pointed to the piece of pink string round his trousers, knotted at the front to hold his trousers up. He continued excitedly to tell me about his cool trainers with Velcro bits instead of laces. My heart melted as I looked and saw a toe poke out the front of his trainers.
This is just one of the kids I came across through my work with a Glasgow community project. I could have looked at a photo of this child and thought, wow we NEED to get that little guy some shoes and a belt. I’m sure if I’d tried to give him shoes, he would say “But I’ve got these cool trainers!” What he really WANTED was someone to talk to about his cool trainers.
My eyes have really been opened to how different wants and needs are from person to person. I’ve realised that I often offer people what I think I would need if I were in their situation.
On several occasions I have ran to my bosses office, overwhelmed by the troublesome life of a new client. I would blurt out all the issues I felt burdened to help resolve and end with ‘I don’t know where to start with this!!’ My wise boss would then ask me the question ‘What help have they asked for?’ It helped me realise that what I think people need isn’t necessarily what they want.
Over the years I’ve found myself writing thank you cards for gifts that will sit in a cupboard gathering dust!! I remember one particular thank you card I wrote. It was for a woman I didn’t actually know who had spent hours (probably days) on end knitting blankets and clothes for my baby. We ended up with enough blankets and knitted cardigans for a family of ten (Prophesy maybe??). I have to be honest, I find a lot of knitwear a wee bit old fashioned and regret to say that most of the items stayed in the cupboard. For the record though, can I just say that my mother-in-laws knitting is particularly cute and trendy J
I remember thinking to myself, what would possess someone to spend days knitting gifts for a stranger when they don’t even know if the person needs what they are giving them??’ Its not that I’m ungrateful – it really was a lovely thought. Its just another thing that’s got me thinking… how many times have I given gifts or tried to help someone without considering whether its something that’s needed or wanted. The truth is, it feels good to give to others and to do things for others. I would even go so far as to say that we were born for the benefit of others – not ourselves. But am I really giving a gift when the receiver of my gift has to lie and pretend they like it, store it in an already packed cupboard, remember to bring it out when I visit, then wonder when its safe to get rid of it! I don’t want to be that person! So now I ask myself the question, “Is what I want to give, really what they want?”
